Reflections From The Heart
You may have noticed that over the past few weeks I have not been around much. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to write about why that is but finding the right words has proven difficult for me. I still haven’t found the right words but so many people have been kind enough to inquire I feel it is appropriate to write something. At any rate, here it is. A few weeks ago I had what is being called a “mild” heart attack. The long-term prognosis is good, albeit complicated by a pre-existing kidney condition. It certainly could have been much worse and I am thankful for the wake-up call. In light of recent events I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. I am certain that’s normal, good even. In fact, for me, the process has been sublimely cathartic.
I’ve had my share of health issues that last few years, I am getting to that age. I’ve learned to take care as to how those said “issues” are presented. It’s my observation (opinion) that people tend to treat you differently if they think you are sick or suffering. That’s normal of course, often we don’t know what to do and reactions run the gamut. It seems most folks settle in at one of the extremes, either smothering you with care and concern or leaving you to deal with everything alone. Personally, I find it difficult when family and friends feel obligated to make “plans” to “take care of me”. The hovering, it drives me nuts. Conversely, I am disappointed if someone doesn’t “react” at all. It is why I have struggled to write about it. I’ve been asking myself, “What is my motivation for telling anyone anything?”
In the end, I’ve decided I have no hidden agenda with this post. It’s just an update to clear up some more cryptic recent entries.
As I said, it’s actually been good for me. I am moving forward with new purpose and a more definitive idea as to what I want to do “now” and “next”. With all the introspection I realize I have not been focused or organized. It’s easy, at least for me, to become too comfortable with the status quo here in China. I still want need to do so much more. There is so much more for me to improve on, so much to give, so many ways to impact (hopefully positively) the lives of others. I am happy to have the opportunity to do something positive today.
Here’s to much more…